Wait, Is The Monopoly Movie Actually Going To Be Amazing?

Hollywood, as you may know, is moving ahead with a movie based on the board game Monopoly, because the world is out of ideas and we’re all just trying to find a way to fill the hours between now and 2012 of course they are. But this week, the LA Times has an interview with the screenwriter behind the movie, Frank Beddor, who discusses what the movie will actually be about, and let’s just say you should put in your prescription for crazy pills now, because I have a feeling we’re headed for a NATIONAL SHORTAGE.

“I created a comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they’re playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding a Chance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.'”

Wait, the movie actually starts with a guy who really likes to play Monopoly? Haha. First of all, no one really likes to play Monopoly. (And also, no one is “great” at playing Monopoly? It is a game of the most tedious chance.) Second of all, isn’t that kind of like if the Pirates of the Caribbean movie had been set in Disneyworld? ANYWAY, it gets better (worse):

“He’s all groggy and he goes down to buy some coffee and he reaches into his pocket and all he has is Monopoly money. All this Monopoly money pours out. He’s confused and embarrassed and the girl reaches across the counter and says, ‘That’s OK.’ And she gives him change in Monopoly money. He walks outside and he’s in this very vibrant place, Monopoly City, and he’s just come out of a Chance Shop. As it goes on, he takes on the evil Parker Brothers in the game of Monolopy [sic]. He has to defeat them. It tries to incorporate all the iconic imageries — a sports car pulls up, there’s someone on a horse, someone pushing a wheelbarrow — and rich Uncle Pennybags, you’re going to see him as the maître d’ at the restaurant and he’s the buggy driver and the local eccentric and the doorman at the opera. There’s all these sight gags.”


I love how complicated this movie is even just to explain, but I appreciate that the writer didn’t leave out ANY of the IMPORTANT details. His friends tease him about some girl and they get in a fight. You’ll see when the movie comes out, but it’s just very important to know ahead of time that his friends definitely tease him about a girl and then get into a fight. Also, MONOPOLY CHANGE? Phew. Ever since the story of the Monopoly movie first broke I have been like, “well, IS THERE OR IS THERE NOT GOING TO BE MONOPOLY CHANGE IN THE MOVIE?” That is what I have been like, ask anyone.

This movie seriously sounds incredible. What a nightmare. The evil Parker Brothers. Unbelievable. What time does Fandango open? Should I get in line now?