Totally. Got it. So, see, he’s got this dagger that is a treasure who knows where he found it (or perhaps IT found HIM?) but the Gods have a plan for him and he has felt its power, it unlocks the Sands of Time and it…OK, this is where it’s a little confusing but it mostly makes sense…see the Sands of Time turns you into a Sand Creature, like the bad guy in Spiderman-3. Remember Spider-Man 3? That was not a very good movie! The whole Bad Tobey Maguire thing where he’s got bangs and he dances down the street? Come on. Sorry, OK, so, now you are a magical time traveling sand person, and what we have to do is go to the Mines of Moria and bury the dagger in, like, a garden or something? Because Ben Kingsley (winner of the Academy Award for Best Actor in 1982 for his role in Ghandi) wants to use the dagger to become a sand person to make a dust storm go into the village. But will they be able to get the dagger to Persian Mount Doom in Persian Mordor in time, or will it be too late because they’re too busy FUCKING?
Seriously, I think I’ve got it. I just hope that they show the trailer at the beginning of the movie, and then every 20 minutes or so during the movie, to help remind me what the hell is going on.