Videogum

Videogum’s Teen Korner: Too Many “Sad” Stories

No diggity! You got to bag it up!

Cool dudes and neat chicks who are all unique snowflakes, I know that more than budding young men and women we’re all just human beings on this planet who are 100 percent equal always, but today I need to keep it real just with the ladies, is that cool, fellas? You know you’re my homedogs, fellas! No sweat, Sherlock! But today I have something that I need to keep it real about with the young ladies in the hizouse. Oh snap!

Girls. Sorry, young women! I know that life is confusing right now. You’re going through mad changes in your body that are so wack. And with everyone always telling you what to do, it can be hard to discover who you really are. Diet Jamba Juice. But, I just want you to know that it’s going to be OK! You’re going to get through this transition period in your life and even though I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, when it’s all over, you’re going to be like Sasha Fierce! You might even have a baby!

The point is, I’ve seen your COMPLETELY INSANE text-based narrative YouTube videos (after the jump) set to weepy Strip Mall Lillith Fair 2.0 music telling “sad stories” about “guys and girls” and they are really hilarious to adults, but obviously really serious and IMPORTANT to you, and I’m just saying that’s cool. But one day you will look back on these INTENSELY RIDICULOUS videos and you will think “if only I could go back to that scared and confused little girl and tell her that one day she would have a job that she hated in an office that sucked the life from her, and a relationship that was a lot more work than she sometimes thought it was worth.”

Scrunchies!

There are literally a billion of these, ladies. You need to relax! Or at least learn how to spell basic words! Proper spelling is how you get a man to love you! Hannah Montana. (Thanks for the tip, Sachar.)