Robert Pattinson Underwear, Ladies (You’re Gross, Ladies)

“I’m a 37-year-old woman, and I work in marketing for a small research firm. I used to live with my long-term boyfriend, and I really thought he was ‘the one,’ you know, but it just didn’t work out. I’m OK! I mean, I still miss him, but it’s probably for the best? I don’t know. I’m taking a break from the dating scene, though. I tried it for awhile, but all of the guys were either jerks or they stopped calling me back. It’s not a big deal, I don’t miss it. All those awkward conversations and having to feel bad about yourself most of the time. Besides, I have my two cats, Pugly and Princess, and my best friend, Christy, and I go out for margaritas every Thursday. It’s nice!

I know that Robert Pattinson the actor is basically a child. When I put on my Robert Pattinson underwear, I think of him more as Edward the vampire from the Twilight movies, which I love (I know there is only one Twilight movie out so far, but I am assuming that I’m going to love New Moon just as much as I loved the first one, so that is why I said movies plural). Besides, it goes on under my clothes, OK? No one sees them. It’s just for me. I like to imagine him down there. Hi Robert! I MEAN HI EDWARD!

I guess I would understand if people think that it’s weird, but everyone is kind of weird, you know? I think if you’re not hurting anyone and you’re just doing things to make yourself a little happier, to make getting through the day a little bit easier, then what is the problem?

Also: I really REALLY want to fuck an immortal undead make believe vampire who looks like he’s in high school.” (Via TheFrisky.)