The Shake Weight, Now For Men

Sorry, ladies. Your strangle-hold (get it?) on the exercise by jacking off ghost dicks industry has finally ended. WHERE MY FELLAS AT?!

Looking good, dudes! Could you aim the Shake Weight for Men a little more towards your mouth? A little more? A little more? Perfect.

Here’s a fun game to play, guess which of these quotes is a testimonial to the Shake Weight for Men, and which is someone describing their first homosexual experience:

  • a) “15 seconds into it you’re already going, OK, this is for real.”
  • b) “I just blew a guy in the bathroom.”
  • c) “Like 30-45 seconds I was already covered in sweat and completely pumped.”
  • d) “30 seconds going like this and I’m like, ‘this is not easy.'”
  • e) “I just blew two guys in the bathroom.”
  • f) “It’s an all-over workout, with your breathing, and your arms pumping. It’s awesome.”
  • g) “I haven’t had a pump like this for a long time.”

Answer Key: a) homosexual experience, b) homosexual experience, c) homosexual experience, d) homosexual experience, e) homosexual experience, f) Shake Weight for Men, g) homosexual experience

If you got any of those right, then you know that the Shake Weight is ridiculous.

But wait, there’s more:

“I use my Shake Weight for Men in case there are no gay people here. To jerk off. With my lady hands.”
–Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise, everybody. Total Shake Weight for Men Head. (Thanks for the tip, Whitney.)