Tom Cruise Can’t Catch A Break. Good.

Aww, poor Tom Cruise! He is really getting hammered in the press this week. Well, he is getting hammered in the on-line interviews with far lesser known people who worked with him a million years ago…press. But still! The “man” can’t catch a break. First there was a very compelling interview with Bronson Pinchot in the Onion, which you should read in its entirety because it’s great, in which he describes a young Tom Cruise’s on-set hate crimes:

Bronson Pinchot: We didn’t know [Risky Business] was going to be a big hit. We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He had spent some formative time with Sean Penn–we were all very young at the time, Tom was 20, I was 23. Tom had picked up this knack of calling everyone by their character names, because that would probably make your performance better, and I don’t agree with that. I think that acting is acting, and the rest of the time, you should be you, but he called us all by our character names. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” Very, very strange.

Haha. You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there? Tom Cruise sounds like he was supergood at homophobia. Just constantly cutting straight to the heart of the issue. Everyone was always nervous that he was going to bring their own sexuality-slash-love-of-ice-cream into question. Also: what an asshole! He was so young back then. Just a tiny, baby asshole, getting ready to spread his asshole wings.

And now there is an interview in BlackBook with Mary Harron, the director of American Psycho, in which she describes how Tom Cruise was the model for Patrick Bateman:

Blackbook: How did you and Christian Bale develop his character in American Psycho?
Mary Harron: It was definitely a process. We talked a lot, but he was in L.A. and I was in New York. We didn’t actually meet in person a lot, just talked on the phone. We talked about how Martian-like Patrick Bateman was, how he was looking at the world like somebody from another planet, watching what people did and trying to work out the right way to behave. And then one day he called me and he had been watching Tom Cruise on David Letterman, and he just had this very intense friendliness with nothing behind the eyes, and he was really taken with this energy.

‘We were trying to figure out how a sociopathic space alien murderer might behave, and, you know, Tom [Cruise] was just a perfect example of that.” Agreed!

We should keep the pressure on this guy! TURN IT UP! I really think he is a horrible “person”! I do not know him personally, so I suppose that is unfair to say. But a lot of things in this life are unfair. GET HIM! I figure a couple more weeks of constant interviews with third-market entertainers about Tom Cruise’s being both a nightmarish hate-monger and an emotionally detached psychopath and “he” might develop resistance fissures in his humanoid casing and finally reveal his true face to the world.

Show me the money if there aren’t any gay people here!