Glenn Beck Cries Because We Don’t Live In A Coke Commercial Anymore

Oh boy. What is this buffoon even talking about anymore?! Remember when America pretended that AIDS didn’t exist as we found ourselves mired in the Iran-Contra Affair? That Coke commercial aired during the 1980 Super Bowl. Is he seriously arguing that America was a better place in 1980? Well, he might as well, because that is going to be like nothing compared to his completely incomprehensible FAN FICTION about going to a high school house party. “They promised me they would get me home to my mommy, but now I smell like pot even though I didn’t do anything wrong.” Classic party talk. To be fair to Glenn Beck, even though I do not understand his metaphor, since it seems to suggest that everyone was having a blast during the economic boom of the housing bubble when in reality the economic stratification of the population got way worse, and the people currently suffering the most are those who were lured in by predatory lending practices devised by billionaires, I do believe that that is what he thinks a party is. A place you’re begrudgingly invited by people who don’t like you, where promises are broken because no one wants to take the crybaby home at 10:30.

“I have been to three parties!”
–Glenn Beck, adult.

(From the HuffingtonPost, via Scott Jacobson.)