If you’re anything like me, then over the past few weeks as a media firestorm has brewed over the recent arrest of Roman Polanski on decades old warrants stemming from his 1977 arrest and trial for drugging and sodomizing a 13-year-old girl (not necessarily in that order) you have had to ask yourself: where is Jamie Foxx in all this? Why will he not provide the world with his opinion on the Roman Polanski situation? Luckily, the great man and even greater thinker has finally decided to emerge from his J.D. Salinger like solitude and provide us with some of his penetrating insights into the matter. From MSNBC:
“If it had been my daughter who was barely a teenager — my daughter is 15 — Roman Polanski would be missing … period,” Foxx stated in an interview with Parade magazine. “It wouldn’t even get to the court case. But, that’s me and I wouldn’t want anyone else to follow that because you should let the justice system work it out.”
Um…obviously, I love vigilante justice. We all do. But is Jamie Foxx seriously saying that if anything ever happened to his daughter, he would take the law into his own hands? Against Roman Polanski? Because a) that is hilarious, and b) Jamie Foxx is retarded. As a human being with a heart made of muscle and emotions and whatever else hearts are made of, I sincerely hope that nothing ever happens to Jamie Foxx’s daughter, but somewhere deep in the shadowy mean recesses of my stupid, dessicated brain where the jokes are made, I kind of wish that something would happen to her (no I don’t, I really don’t, but yes I do, for the sake of this joke) just to see what Jamie Foxx would do. Roman Polanski is in jail now (sorry, Woody Allen!), so it would have to be a comparable director? I don’t know. Paul Thomas Anderson? I hated Magnolia, but There Will Be Blood was pretty great.
Oh, also, Jamie Foxx is not done. He has more to say:
Foxx went on to explain that while his perspective might have been different had he known the director personally, as do many of his Hollywood peers, ultimately he believes “this whole issue is bigger than Roman Polanski.” So big, it forces Foxx to confront his own complex sense of revenge.
“Revenge is a tough thing,” “The Soloist” star said. “When it comes to someone bringing harm to your family, it’s hard to think about turning the other cheek. When I hear about things that we allow to go on in our society where women are harmed, I just knee-jerk. I’ve said some things publicly that my publicist keeps telling me I should keep to myself. I don’t know if that’s my Texas upbringing, but there comes a point where you just say, ‘OK, that would be my tipping point. What would I do?’ Some of things I’ve said I’d do to sexual perpetrators were pretty graphic. But I also read some stories of people taking the law into their own hands, which is bad too. So it’s tough to know how far you’d go.”
Is it, Jamie Foxx? Is it tough to know how far you’d go? Let me guess. You would go from the wing of your mansion that is floored entirely in MoonBounce inflated walkways, down through your helicopter collection, past the Olympic Size Hot Tub, through the food court, to the videophone, where you would wipe the cocaine from your chin before calling your assistant and demanding that he call the police. That is about how far you would go, you fucking insane, pompous nightmare. You read articles about people taking the law into their own hands. Right. Where did you read articles? Word search puzzles and sushi restaurant take-out menus are not articles, Jamie Foxx.
Roman Polanski committed a horrible crime a long time ago and will have to face up to the legal ramifications of his 30 year self-imposed exile, but Jamie Foxx is the fucking WORST.
P.S. Haha, The Soloist star.