David Letterman Is Sorry That He Fucked That Lady, You Guys

Sorry, I know this is already OLD NEWS in Internet Time, but I am on California Time, also known as Fresh Squeezed Grapefruit Juice Time. BREAKING: it’s delicious! Anyway, Dave spent most of his show last night referencing the whole “OK but I’m still doing a little better than Roman Polanski, though, right, you guys?” thing. You have to admit, a personal/professional life melt-down like this is rare to see! Although strangely not as rare as you might think! But anyway, it is like watching a slow-motion train wreck, if train wreck’s were sarcastic and hilarious.

Here is Dave cracking wise (and cracking a little :() in his monologue:

And here he is apologizing to his wife and the rest of his staff on air:

In any case, all of Southern California* is watching this scandal with rapt attention, because the idea of scandalous, morally questionable behavior is a foreign concept out here where the salt of the Earth sow the seeds of Ed Hardy stores. JUS’ FOLKS.

*Write what you know (for three days).