Saturday Night Live: Madonna Barfs The Torch To Lady Gaga

Watching Saturday Night Live on the West Coast is ridiculous. It’s like watching THE PAST. Is everything like that out here? Living your life three hours behind THE ACTUAL WORLD. Just kidding, I know that time is a relative human construct. But you know what else is a relative human construct? The Internet. And you could basically know all of the wonderful surprises (hah) of Saturday Night Live ahead of time if you wanted, just by logging in (we all still “log in” to the Internet, right? Hello? Mr. AOL?). Not that you need a SPOILER ALERT to figure out that Ryan Reynolds is a weirdo! What a weird dude. He’s the epitome of a Plastic Face. “But he was a good sport.” Sure, if the sport is Not Moving Your Face Very Much And Being Too Smugball. Not that it matters, since apparently Lady Gaga actually hosted the show? She was in so many sketches! She wrestled Madonna for some reason, in a sketch that has to have been the seven least funny minutes in SNL history (and there have been literally hundreds of unfunny minutes!). And apparently is talking about her musical performances as well. Sure.

My favorite part of the show was this sketch:

Although I thought there was a lot of unintentional (or was it very tentional?) comedy in Lady Gaga dressed like an ’80s businessman’s Sharper Image desk toy, perhaps given to him by a secretary, or a mistress.

She was going to dress up like oil wave rectangle gadget, or clacky silver balls on strings, but the Hammacher Schlemmer Impossible Costumes Shop was closed. (Sharper Image and Hammacher Schlemmer jokes in the same post? The World’s Best Redundant!)

Also, “something you keep for a long time: secrets” should probably be a catch-phrase. Who do I talk to about that? There must be some physician at a Botox clinic in Venice who works nights as a Catch-Phrase Judge. (Huh? It’s not my fault California is so weird!)