David Letterman spent 10 minutes on his show last night explaining in detail (sort of) an extortion threat made against him to expose a series of inter-office sexual affairs. And so naturally someone has uploaded a Zapruder Film of the entire thing (what is it this week with Zapruder Films? Or is it Zapruders Film?):
Now look, no one is arguing that Dave can’t tell a compelling story. He certainly can! They should give him his own show. And having sexual affairs with your employees is not a crime, nor is it even remotely related to giving a 13-year-old girl quaaludes and sodomizing her (not necessarily in that order), and the two situations should not even be in the same sentence together unless that sentence, like this one, is explicitly explaining how much they are not the same or related at all. But you have to admit that there is some clever timing to this!
Like, if you were going to admit on national television to having had sexual relationships with numerous staff members in an artfully vague way (because we know way more about when and how Dave received a suspicious manila envelope than we know any details about these “terrible” relationships) there might be no better week than when the bar for sexual indiscretion has been set at 30-year-old charges of drugging and raping (anally) a 13-year-old girl. Right?
Anyway, whatever. I don’t care what Dave does with his pants materials. That’s his and his lawyer’s business. I am just saying that the stars aligned particularly well on this one, because that story could have been A LOT LESS FUNNY if there was not an incredible WAVE OF RELIEF that the admission Dave had to make did not involve THE RAPE-RAPING AND QUAALUDING OF 13-YEAR-OLD GIRLS.