The 56-Year-Old Virgin Or: Debate Team Pro-Tips

Let us be very clear on what is hilarious about this, because it is not this woman’s uneventful sexual history. There is nothing funny about people not having sex, unless those people are Vince Vaughan and Malin Ackerman in Couples Retreat* (in theaters October 9th). What is hilarious about this is how completely unnecessary her virginity is to her argument/complaint. She appears to be insisting on, if not abstinence-based sex education, then at least a de-emphasis on intercourse in local health education. Sure. I mean, personally I think it’s much more important to rap at kids about safe sex, Eric Bana-style:

But, OK, not everyone agrees with that. You still don’t need to shout out your personal sexual history in order to prove a point. It would be equally hilarious if someone for the opposition stood up and was like “I THINK THAT KIDS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO PRACTICE SAFE SEX BECAUSE, LIKE, OK, JUST AS AN EXAMPLE, WHEN I HAVE SEX, BLOOD STARTS POURING OUT OF MY PENIS AND DOESN’T STOP FOR HOURS, SO I ACTUALLY NEED TO WEAR A CONDOM FOR A FEW DIFFERENT REASONS.” I think you can agree with me that that would be ridiculous. (Via Urlesque.)

*Just kidding. Yuck on that movie.