Kids Have Euphemisms For Peeping And Pooping The Darndest Things

Oh babies. With their malleable approach to language and their fixation on the minute bodily functions that govern their day-to-day lives. Of course, within the blink of history’s eye, these little angels will be sitting on a ratted out couch with a glass of whiskey in their hand, drips of condensation leaving damp rings on the work trousers they couldn’t be bothered to change out of, staring blankly at a humming television as they listlessly riffle through the mental cold case file of their dreams, wondering where it had all gone. Maybe they will heat something in the microwave, it’s the more sensible option. They eat out more than they can afford already. They do everything more than they can afford. No one ever told them it would be like this. By then, a bathroom will no longer represent the monumental task of the day, but perhaps a momentary reprieve from the drudgery of their desk, a brief and silent (almost) escape from a haranguing boss, or the dull throb of a post-lunch headache, anything to get away for a moment. Sometimes they sit on the toilet even when they don’t have to go, just for the brief spell of hard-fought lightening of despair. But all that is still a few inevitable and not-as-boundless-as-they-seem years away. For now, A CELEBRATION OF WEES AND BUTTS! (Via FourFour.)