Ellen Degeneres’s Big Announcement

As you may have heard, Ellen Degeneres, America’s sweetheart, made a pretty big announcement on her show yesterday:

Whoops. That isn’t it. Don’t get me wrong, Ellen Degeneres playing mother nature in some stupid movie is really exciting (not really exciting). But that is definitely not what her big announcement yesterday was. Hold on. Oh, here it is:

Damn it! Wrong announcement again! I have a feeling that I see where this is going!

Seriously, though, as a 64-year-old man, I do not watch Ellen’s talk show, but is it all just segments in which she talks about OTHER things she is doing? Sounds awesome. Your mom is like “I can’t wait to hear about Ellen’s additional sources of income besides the source of income that she dedicates to talking about her additional sources of income.”


Anyway, Ellen is going to be the next judge on American Idol (another show I don’t watch, because watching American Idol isn’t going to tell me when a storm’s a-coming. That is what my bones do!)

Congratulations, Ellen! You are charming and often sweetly funny! Good for you! We all have to put food on our Portia de Rossis. And good luck. You have some pretty big drugs to fill (Paula Abdul is on drugs).