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What Are We Even Talking About Here, Chris Brown?

What was THAT?!

I’m sure Rihanna and all of America feels better now that Chris Brown spent an hour on national television insisting to an old man that he could not talk about (or even remember) what happened on the night that he destroyed his girlfriend’s face in a parked car. It’s called closure, and he’s great at it. HUH? What I don’t understand is if he didn’t want to talk about it, or if he didn’t remember it, then why did he GO ON THE SHOW? With his mom, and his lawyer, like a little bitch. I don’t usually like it when people refer to other people as “little bitch,” it seems like a junior high taunt with deep threads of homophobia and misogyny running through it. But it’s the most appropriate in this case.

Little bitch!

Oh, sure, he claimed many times to be sorry for what he had done, WHATEVER THAT MAY HAVE BEEN. But did you notice how every attempt to take responsibility for things (indeterminate as those things may have been) (because he worked hard to keep them indeterminate) was followed up with a back-handed attempt to weasel out of it? When Larry King asked him how he felt about the leaked police photos of Rihanna’s bruised and battered face, Chris Brown said, “I didn’t know what to think at the time, I was like what?! Cuz at the time I just didn’t know honestly what to think and I didn’t know if the pictures were altered, I didn’t know if they were real, I didn’t know what, so I was just like man, I just felt so disappointed in myself.” You felt disappointed in yourself so much that six months later you’re still raising the spectre that the photos might not be real? Perfect. (His mom quickly echoed the statement that she didn’t know if the photos were altered, because Chris Brown’s mom is Professor Photos.) Or how about when Larry King raised Chris Brown’s violent history and both Chris and his mother insisted he had never been charged? Because you have to be charged for violence to be real? But perhaps the strangest incidence of this was when Larry brought up the point that children raised in violent homes often become violent adults, and Chris Brown’s mom said that she didn’t believe that was always true. Uh, sure, it isn’t always true. BUT IT IS TRUE IN THIS CASE!?

And then there is this fucking lawyer:

UGH! I am pretty sure that Chris Brown and Rihanna are both famous regardless of whether or not you’ve heard of them, GRANDPA! And that a case in which one of them beat the other one in the face repeatedly is going to get some attention. You creep. Mark Geragos, defense attorney to the stars, thinks that this case has gotten too much attention because one time cute distracting anecdote. What a sleazeball. I also love in this moment how he lawyerly steps around the issue. “When they said this happened, they told me Chris Brown and Rihanna…” Clever girl. I understand your code, sir. You mean when they told you that a young man had mercilessly beaten his girlfriend in and around the fucking face and threatened to kill her.

And don’t we all already know all this? No one is confused about what happened that night. The only possible reason for having this interview in the first place would have been to clear the air (if that’s even possible. I mean, clear the air for what?) but all this scumbag avoidance is so gross. Sitting around with his mom and his lawyer not saying shit. You know who else probably wished they had their mom and lawyer with them? Rihanna, when she was in that car, getting beaten up. And despite what Chris Brown says about being sorry and taking responsibility (for what, Chris? WHY WON’T YOU JUST SAY IT?!) the fact is he is not sorry, because if he had been sorry THIS wouldn’t have been the first video of him to surface, almost four months after the incident and two months before any “apology.”

Shame on Larry for laughing at Mark Geragos’s miserable “joke.” And shame on Mark Geragos for his whole thing. And shame on Chris Brown’s outfit. And shame on CNN. Shame on everyone. Forever.