Real Housewife Of Atlanta Kim Zolciak’s First Single Is The Bomb (Destroying Your Ears)

Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the melty-faced living nightmare with a closet full of trashy clothes that don’t even fit her, has long made her wish and dream to be a successful singer known. One assumes that she actually joined the cast of the show because she thought it would be good publicity for her music career. It hasn’t been. At all. It has been the opposite of that. You know how they say that there is no such thing as bad publicity? That is no longer true. Kim Zolciak changed the rules.

But that hasn’t stopped her from recording a song called “Tardy for the Party” and allowing the world to hear it. Whoops! You should have kept this one on your Zune, Kim Zolciak. To play for your daughter. The one person who still respects you (maybe). Ouch. Was that too mean? I’m so sorry. People who go on TV and say things like “I get plastic surgery so that I don’t have to go to the gym,” over and over as if that is a badge of honor representing the ideal life, and then add “I don’t even know how much it costs, I just put it on my credit card” because they are all class, totally deserve to be treated like dignified human beings. My bad. I’m sure that lots of people respect Kim Zolciak (i am not sure). She still should have kept this shit on her Zune, though, for private consumption. Friends and family only.

NO SPOILERS but this song (after the jump) is not very good!

Some singers use a rhyming dictionary to write their lyrics. Kim Zolciak uses a Boring Cliches About Parties Dictionary. She’s like the poor person’s 470-year-old Heidi Montag. (Heidi Montag is already the poor person’s 23-year-old Heidi Montag, of course.) Also, the song was produced by fellow Real Housewife Kandi Burress? And just when I was starting to like you, Kandi Burress. (Ryan Seacrest via EW.)