Videogum

Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

What a week it has been!

John Hughes R.I.P. (to say the least). Paula Abdul is leaving that show I can’t believe anyone actually watches! Oprah sued for 1.2 trillion dollars? That is too much suing! We celebrated Average Amount of Megan Fox Day, learned how to survive the Gathering of the Juggalos, and learned details of Jay Leno’s new show (which is a lot like the Gathering of the Juggalos in terms of being terrible and alienating). Oh, and suspense got a brand new face. YIKES.

You ninjas know what time it is!

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5

Posted by: Godsauce in response to The Gathering Of The Juggalos Survival Guide
Score = 66

[Ed. note: I don’t know how I feel about this latest trend of Photoshopping images of me into comment-thread goof-em-ups. It feels kind of invasive and very creepy. Like something that monsters would do. I even deleted one of them because as far as I was concerned it was a bridge too far (careful, moonmaster). But I will admit that I thought this one was funny. Clever girl.]

#4

It’s like The Hangover put on an Ed Hardy shirt and changed it’s name to Chad. The worst.

Posted by: Tom Foolery in response to Someone Has Clearly Fast-Tracked Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell For The Worst Movie Of All Time
Score = 71

[Ed. note: that movie really does look terrible, doesn’t it? I can’t wait.]

#3

This video needs to be shown to each of these kid’s parents with an accompanying lecture entitled something like “Look What You Did: Removing Your Child’s Empathy Through Entitlement Such that Even Minor Traffic Violations Must Be Rightfully AVENGED”.

Posted by: Skillet in response to That’s Your Boyfriend: Guy Who Pays For Impounded Car With Pennies
Score = 76

#2

The True Story on why Gabe hates Gwyneth:

Posted by: VideoGummyBear in response to Gwyneth Paltrow Narrowly Wrests Her Title Of “The Worst” Back From Katherine Heigl
Score = 89

#1

Gabe, on behalf of all the Videogum readers, I hereby officially Double Dog Dare you to attend and participate in the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

Posted by: Andy in response to The Gathering Of The Juggalos Survival Guide
Score = 100

[Ed. note: I know that you you guys think that we are just swimming in Paper Heart money over here, but needless to say, we are not swimming in Paper Heart money over here (no one is swimming in Paper Heart money, anywhere). Also, I am not, despite many blog jokes to the contrary, ready to die. Not like this.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

I’ve been waiting for this one to pop up. I just want to say that don’t read this! This movie is actually good if you can just shut your brain off and enjoy! Besides, this writing on this site is terrible. A dog could do better.

Posted by: Passerby in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Le Divorce
Score = -86

[Ed. note: you could kind of see this one coming. As I think someone pointed out in the comments today, it certainly feels like “Passerby” is someone playing a game with us. They know a little bit too much, and their poor grammar and lazy spelling is a little too on the nose. Passerby earned the three lowest scores this week, but it’s appropriate that this comment, which was the first, takes the whatever-the-opposite-of-cake-is. Now, Passerby could be someone making a commentary about trolls, or they could be a troll, I don’t know. This comment is certainly a little trollish, but it’s also so painfully stupid as to almost seem like a joke? It’s one thing to suggest that people should shut their brain off in order to be able to enjoy a movie–a stupid suggestion, but a suggestion–but about Le Divorce? An upper-middle-class drawing room comedy set in Paris? HUH? The part about the dog did make me laugh, though. I bet that is true! i would read that blog.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Actually Tucker’s been pretty clear on his blog that they only put around 5% of the jokes that are in the movie in the trailer. The funniest jokes are also the dirtiest, so they wouldn’t be allowed in the green-band trailer, and the movie staff wants to keep the movie fresh rather than spoiling the best parts of the movie for all the fans months before it opens like every other comedy these days.

Posted by: Jonkers in response to Someone Has Clearly Fast-Tracked Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell For The Worst Movie Of All Time

[Ed. note: the day after the Tucker Max post went up, it was included in a link dump on his blog. He does the classic shithead tactic of talking about how psyched he is that everyone is calling him a shithead. What? Being called a shithead is horrible. You shouldn’t enjoy that. Try enjoying better things. It’s that whole “even if you hate me, I’m doing something right” mentality, which is ridiculous. Because he is not doing anything right. And being hated is awful. Having people talk about how your movie looks like the worst thing that has ever been made is a total bummer. Oh well. Tucker Max said that the trailer made me so mad that I put a typo in my post title, and he was right! I spelled “clearly” “cleary.” Whoops, haha, that’s not how it’s spelled! Of course, I can fix the spelling of my post title pretty easily; I am not so sure that he can fix that fucking movie. But anyway, THE POINT IS, a bunch of Tucker Max fans came to the site and wrote comments defending him. I guess the stupid quote of his about the cost of movie tickets was taken out of context? That’s fair. The movie looks pretty bad regardless of quotes, I think, but OK. But this comment makes me laugh. What is he even talking about? WHAT JOKES? I’m pretty sure 5% of zero jokes is still zero jokes. I also like that “the funniest jokes are the dirtiest” as in FACT. I also like “the movie staff.” Sure, Doc Hollywood. Oh, and his name is Jonkers. Just all around, Lots of Love.]