The Gathering Of The Juggalos Survival Guide

Obviously, you’re going to the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos*. It’s your gathering. Everyone is going. Your mom is like, “hold on, let me just grab my diaphragm, my neck pillow, and my hunting knife.” But if you’ve never been to the Gathering before, you can’t just, like, GO to the Gathering. You have to know the ropes! There are a lot of ropes. What, did you think it was all just men on stilts and helicopter rides? This is a family. Even if you’ve been to the Gathering since it began, 10 years ago (sometimes Juggalos aren’t so good at the math, so I did it for you), it’s still useful to brush up on some survival tips. Luckily, YouTube user cdowg 187 recorded a 23-minute tutorial on how to survive the weekend. Because, you know, not everyone who goes to the Gathering is a good person and shit. Some of the pro-tips you will learn:

  • If you see someone who is littering or tearing up the park, jump them. Don’t beat their ass, but jump them.
  • For the Juggalettes who might be going to the Gathering who are under 18, don’t show your tits. We don’t want Chris Hansen showing up.
  • If you are smoking speed, don’t even think of driving.
  • If you’re going to be sharing your alcohol with people and stuff, make sure they are above the age of 18. (The same goes for if you’re smoking bud.)

Do you even know about JUGGALO NIGHT COURT? They ain’t ready (they=you).

Motherfuckers need to know. Get your shit. (Via BoingBoing.)

*It’s interesting how this is the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos and yet this is the first year, that I know of, where such a fuss has been made. It just goes to show you, infomercials still work! That’s why they call infomercials the Kindle Killer.