It’s Life, Jump Into Life: The Blind Side

The Blind Side trailer, you guys:

Fuuuuuck. OK, Hollywood is teasing us now. This is actually a fake trailer from Funny People, right?

“Haha, look at your face!”
–Hollywood’s Tombstone

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some John Conner over here. I have a human heart, not some Communist robot heart. I’m perfectly open to the touching, based-on-a-true story about a noble, rich, white woman taking in an impoverished, oversized black child and raising him as one of her own. The Jerk came out 30 years ago, I think America is ready for all the roles to be reversed. And I love a bruising good high school football game against all the odds just as much as anybody. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t not love it! But when Sandra Bullock actually says, out loud, in a movie, on which millions of dollars have been spent, in 2009, in response to “you’re changing that boy’s life,” “no, he’s changing mine,” I changed my life by ending it. Also. (Thanks for the tip, Josh.)