That’s Your Boyfriend: Guy Who Pays For Impounded Car With Pennies

“He’s really smart,” you always tell your friends. “Like, he’s corny and goofy, but it’s actually because he’s so smart.” He and his friends will get together and set things on fire and pee off of railroad bridges into the river, because they have this sort of innate intelligence and they recognize that the world is absurd, you know? (That is what you say, stuff like that.) Like, recently, his car got towed, and so he had to pay 88 dollars to get it out of the impound lot, but, like, so he took 88 dollars in pennies because it’s legal tender and they are obligated by law to accept it? So his friends went with him and, like, they videotaped the whole thing? Because they knew it would be hilarious? And the cops came? Oh man, I mean, we fight a lot because his friends are always around and it’s never just the two of us, oh, and he’s never once bought me a present. Like, last year, for my birthday, he gave me a stuffed animal he found in a cardboard box on the street, and I got bed bugs in my house and had to throw out all of my clothes, and he has never taken me out to dinner because he doesn’t “believe” in going out to dinner. But, like, you don’t know him the way that I know him. (All stuff that you tell your friends, constantly.)

You’re trying to figure out whether to get his name tattooed on your lower back or your inner-thigh. But I think you should get it tattooed on your throat. (Via BuzzFeed.)