Videogum

This Is Your Videogame: Enviro-Bear 2000: Operation: Hibernation

For months, your friends and family have been very concerned about your well-being. You hardly ever go out anymore, spending almost all of your time holed away in your parents’ basement, up until all hours, hunched over, irritable, putting the finishing touches on your videogame. People who genuinely care about you are like “this is not healthy, you are subsisting on a diet of Cheetos and Diet Red Bull, and your skin is as pale as Robert Pattinson’s naturally hairless armpits. Your eyes are dark-ringed and sunken. There is a smell that comes off you. When was the last time that you took a proper shower? You hardly even bother to turn on any lights while you are down there! You have to turn on lights, you are going to hurt your eyes!” And you just turn to them, with your vampire face, with your bent claw-hands, dust at the corners of your colorless mouth, and you explain to them that such is the life of the computer programmer. “MYST WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY,” you shout.

When they see this trailer for your videogame, they will probably stop giving you such a hard time, genius.

Way better than Grand Theft Bachelor: Rose City, too. More warps! (Thanks for the tips, Deja and Meaghan.)