An Open Letter To The People Who Would Actually Go To A Saw-Themed Haunted House

Dear People Who Would Actually Go to a Saw-themed Haunted House,

So, I heard about your haunted house. It’s going to be at the Circus Circus casino in Las Vegas this October as part of a promotional tie-in with Saw VI (Saw VI!). The idea is that the haunted house would recreate some of the classic “games” that the movies’ victims “play.” Spooky! Producers Mark Burg and Oren Koules of Twisted Pictures described your haunted house this way: “Visitors from around the world will be able to experience the terror of Jigsaw first hand.”

Right. (Congratulations, world. The United Nations should organize an International High Five Council.)

But, Sawggalos, it would be much cheaper to just buy a bear trap and fasten it to your head with a timer switch so that it tears your face in half if you can’t get the key out of your best friend’s intestines fast enough.

Let’s do the numbers:

Flights from New York to Las Vegas (October, may vary): $259
Room at Circus Circus: $171.80/night
Entrance to the Fright Dome (2008): $34.95
Food, Misc.: $200

And that’s not even taking into account the valueless toll it will take on your self-esteem and your integrity as an adult. Now watch this:

Bear Trap: $157.50
Timer: $7.79
Key: $1.15

If you get a friend or loved one to donate their intestinal tract, that’s a savings of almost 80% (based on a two night stay).

Hey, we all like what we like, right? This just happens to be what you like. And I’m just trying to make sure that you get to experience the terror of Jigsaw first hand without hurting your wallet. Economic crisis, or whatever. You’re welcome.


P.S. See you at The Gathering!