Speaking of dancing, and moving on to genuinely bad ideas, Katie Holmes, whoever that is, appeared on So You Think You Can Dance last night and performed Judy Garland’s “Get Happy.” You probably missed it because you fell asleep during her pre-dance interview.
OK, so I have a question:
Obviously, I don’t watch So You Think You Can Dance because I am a grown man, and if I’m going to watch people attempt to show the world what it is that they have got, I’m going to watch it on YouTube, because there are more chances for surprises (surprises=fallings down). I don’t care about the abilities of people who have clearly taken two and a half summers worth of lessons at the local community center. I enjoy RAW TALENT. But is this really what America wants? Some misguided trophy wife doing Judy Garland songs like she’s trying out desperately for a slot on a sub-par Academy Awards rip-off that will be taping on the abandoned set of Janet Jackson’s “Alright” video?
And I wasn’t joking earlier when I asked who Katie Holmes is. I mean, I know who she “is,” she played Pacey on Dawson’s Creek and she’s married to Matthew McConaughey. But those are just the facts. I mean, who is she when America turns on the TV and sees her on So You Think You Can Dance? It has been years since the furor over her supposed “brainwashing,” and now she’s just this thing that exists. A fact. But she’s not really in movies anymore. There was that bit of Broadway musical stunt-casting, which didn’t really work out. This is a real question I am asking here: is she even famous anymore? For anything other than being that lady who got curiously involved with a secretly homosexual space alien from planet Plastic Face a few years ago and had a magical half-Asian baby but no one talks about that now?
Thanks. I’ll take my answer off the air.