Bravo’s Watch What Happens: Live: A Train Wreck: Live Is What Happens

Last night, at midnight, with very little fanfare, Bravo launched a new weekly late night talk show hosted by Andy “When I Grow Up I’m Going to Exploit Teenagers for Money and Try to Get Famous by Interviewing Monsters” Cohen. Look, we all need to put food on our families, I know that as well as anyone, but Andy Cohen kind of drives me crazy. When he first started hosting the Real Housewives reunion episodes I thought “Oh, this guy must want to be an actor, and while I’m glad that he has work, because we’re all adults and we all have to have work, that must be kind of depressing for him.” I had very similar feelings about Jonathan Karsh, host of Kid Nation. But then it turned out that Andy Cohen was actually Bravo’s Senior Vice President of Original Programming. So he is the one putting all of this stuff in our eyes. And now he’s tired of dessicated vagina dentatas getting all the attention. He wants to be on TV so that he can get the exact same respect and admiration that Jill Zarin gets. Woof.

So he made a Vice Presidential of Original Programming order for his own show. And now it’s on TV. Here are a couple of questions:

  1. Why is it live?
  2. Why is it on at midnight?
  3. Why does it exist?
  4. Are you allowed to drink wine on the rocks through a a straw on TV?
  5. Wine on the rocks?

Seriously, what is this?

Throwing everybody under the bus! This guy should get a blog!

Yes, Andy Cohen, your $5,000 “Bravo Clubhouse” set looks amaaaaaaaazing. Ooh, is that a Magic Eight Ball and a pile of old books from a library dumpster?

Maybe you should have spent some of that budget on the graphics for this show.

I’m not trying to be an opening credits snob. I’m just saying that if you want to run with the big dogs, the big dogs don’t use MacPaint.

Whatever. The inner-city-high-school-that-isn’t-allowed-to-have-nice-computers-because-of-institutionalized-racism-but-some-of-the-students-have-started-a-graphic-design-club-anyway aesthetic is the least of this show’s problems.

Later, Sarah Jessica Parker provided the show’s patented “Midnight Booty Call.”

It was a great interview if you wanted to hear Andy Cohen talk about the time he was an extra on Sex and the City, or if you ever wanted to hear what Sarah Jessica Parker sounded like calling from a garbage can.

Also, NO:

Andy Cohen: Hey guys, isn’t it crazy how my new catchphrase is taking off?
World: Your new catchphrase is not taking off.
Andy Cohen: It’s going to be huge.
World: No it isn’t.
Andy Cohen: Me want food!
World: Go away.