Mentos, The FAILmaker

Mentos used to be the candy of success. Let’s say, for example, that you wanted to get into a music concert but the bouncer wouldn’t let you. EASY. Just eat a Mentos, and now you’re crawling through the back of a limo to get across the traffic-blocked street, a businessman is like “whoa!,” and the bouncer is like “I like your fake moustache style. VIP section, sir.” The next thing you know, you’re IN the band and it’s just bottles and models for the rest of your life because of candy. This was a real thing that happened all of the time, and all it took was a roll of colorful candies that seemed like they were purchased by a friend at a Swedish airport or some European airport when they forgot to get you a present on their vacation and thought weird candy would be enough of a present, but in fact they were from your local Candy Shoppe.

Those days are gone now. Based on their newest advertising, Mentos is the candy of failure.

You are the champion of Deliverance beat boxing, little piggy. (Incidentally, you’re not even the stranded Deliverance traveler looking for directions. You’re the native Deliverance creep on the Deliverance “you are about to get raped” swing.) Yuck, and what is that packaging? Mentos is Axe Bodygum from the future of 2002.

They literally do not make them like they used to. (Via AdFreak.)