Our Roller Derbies, Ourselves

Whip It trailer, you guys:

In 1994, on my 42nd birthday, I went to see Wesley Snipes’s Drop Zone in the theater. In Wesley Snipes’s Drop Zone, a federal marshal infiltrates a gang of criminals (led by Gary Busey, an obvious choice for “mastermind”) who SKYDIVE INTO THEIR CRIMES. It was an obvious Point Break rip-off, sure, but even more than that it seemed like a producer had taken up skydiving as a hobby and decided it would make the basis for a great action movie. He was sitting around the country club one afternoon, and he put his cigar out in his Cobb salad and smacked his overtanned forehead with his meat hand and said “what if you took the thrill and majesty of skydiving and combined it with a hackneyed story about the DRUG WAR? Hand me my checkbook, I need to write myself a check for a billion dollars.”

My point is that roller derby, a hobbyistic niche extreme sport, combined with plot, minus Wesley Snipes, plus Kristin Wiig (the thinking man’s Gary Busey. Huh?), and also the WAR ON DRUGS +/- = beauty pageants, makes this basically Drop Zone but for girls. It’s called math, guys, and it’s super cool to be good at it.