Look, we’re doing our best around here. The internet is gigantic, and there are only so many hours in the day. Also, did you ever notice how Internet Time is so stupid? Like how if you see something on the Internet in the afternoon and you tell someone about it, they will be like, “that is old, I have just deFriendstered you,” even though it just went up that morning? THAT THING THAT YOU ARE CALLING OLD IS STILL PRETTY NEW, BOYS. Besides, media, and especially Internet Media, is incredibly fractured. Even a very successful on-line video with 649,933 views (just as a random example) has still only been seen by 0.002 percent of the people! And that’s just in America! There’s a whole new world out there, don’t you dare close your eyes. So something that is “old” on the Internet (read=Nerdville) is actually still “new” to millions and millions of people!
But I get sucked into that Internet Time just as much as everyone. I want to rap at you guys about safe sex, yes, but about NEW safe sex. So, sometimes I will see something that you guys should probably see, but maybe it is two days later than it seems like you should have seen it, and then I will be like, “that is too old! The monsters will deFriendster me!” Or maybe it will take me that long to even think of something to say about it and by then I am like “Who cares? Did you see this NEW thing that makes me want to burn out my eyes?” The point is, I’m sorry, but it’s not like these things are getting slept on. THERE IS NO SLEEPING ON THINGS IN TEAM. It’s just, you know, like John Lennon said, “life is what happens to you when you’re busy watching other videos.”
So, here are three of those things from the past couple of weeks:
Yes, I know, RoboGeisha. You are right, it is hilarious and incredible. We should enjoy this now because in 10 years Quentin Tarantino will remake it and it will be terrible. That guy is such a vampire bully!
Meanwhile, I have constructed an underground lair accessibly only by The Core drills that even an anti-Saddam Barack Hussein nuclear bunker buster could not destroy in which to keep my DVR safe until NBC’s new show, or mini-series, or WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS, Day One, begins. Must See This TV!
What am I even doing here? I have 15 dollars, terrible ideas, and a hacked copy of Photoshop. I should be making network TV shows!
Oh, and HELLO NIGHTMARES.
OLD NEWS. DeOrkuted!