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The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: My Boulder Sucks

Albert Camus, who I guess was a blogger or something, but before Twitter existed, once wrote:

Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Well guess what? Albert Camus is dead now. So looks like he was wrong. One must imagine that Sisyphus was like “fuuuuuuuck.”

New round of WMOAT nominees after the jump, you guys:

The Lake House
The Road to Wellville
Le Divorce
Beowulf
Caligula
Rachel Getting Married
The Forgotten
Gran Torino
Georgia Rule
Honey
Gone in 60 Seconds
Funny Games
In The Land of the Women
Closer

Woof. IT LOOKS LIKE MY HEAD WILL BE IN A PERMANENT YOGURT CUP! As always, a review of the official rules.

  1. It cannot be intentionally horrible*.
  2. It must have at least one A- or B-list movie star in it. (No “outsider art.”)
  3. It cannot be Glitter. (Or Crossroads.)
  4. It has to have had a theatrical release.
  5. It must be available on Netflix.
  6. No matter how bad the movie, it cannot be based on a popular superhero.
  7. No musicals.
  8. No Robin Williams movies (Addendum: In a lead role. Supporting roles will be considered on a case by case basis)
  9. Addendum: No children’s movies.
  10. Gabe is the boss.

Remember in the Dark Knight when the Joker said “and here we go”? I guess my point is I wish the Joker would blow me up. (Funny enough, that is also what she said!) (Huh?)

*A quick note on this rule, because it is a very important rule, but it has always caused some confusion. Perhaps instead of “intentionally horrible” the wording should be changed to “obviously horrible” or “unquestionably horrible.” The Crankheads tried to call me out a couple of weeks ago when I argued that no one intentionally makes a bad movie. “Aha!” thought the Crankheads. “We have caught him!” said the Crankheads. “He used the word ‘intentionally’ in the Rules and now he is using the word intentionally again! CRANKHEADS FTW.” Well, no. Sorry, Crankheads. The idea behind this rule is the same as the rules that the nominees must have a movie star in them and have had a theatrical release. Because obviously there are a lot of terrible movies in the world that someone made using their Aiwa Walkman and a bag of Lender’s bagels. They didn’t intend to make a bad movie, either, but they obviously did. And what is the fun in picking on them? The Worst Movie of All Time will be something that people have actually seen in large numbers, that includes the participation of otherwise smart and thoughtful and talented people. It will probably have grand ambitions**. And it will ultimately be a colossal failure. I hope that this helps clear things up, Crankheads.
**Admittedly, no one is arguing that Gone in 60 Seconds had grand ambitions. But any nomination that includes Angelina Jolie with dreadlocks has it coming.