An Open Letter From The Cast And Crew Of Entourage

Dear Entourage fans,

The cast and crew at Entourage would like you to know that we will never stop regurgitating lukewarm rehashes of the first season of our show. Here we are, five years later, and everything is exactly the same. “No it’s not, Turtle has a girlfriend.” Sure. Keep telling yourself that. The fact of the matter is that we don’t have the courage or the creativity to take this show anywhere even remotely meaningful, or even just interesting, and so we will continue to blast your face with colorful pool parties and the ever elusive promise of casual sex. More importantly, we don’t have the respect for you, the viewer, to offer you something new or compelling. What we do have is complete faith in your inability to actively discern between good and bad entertainment, and if the checks keep rolling in then why would we stop? Ever? We will keep pretending like Vince is ever on the verge of superstardom with absolutely no dramatic stakes or emotional investment for the rest of human history. The Earth’s sun will implode and send down a fiery darkness of unimaginable hell eliminating all life as we know it in a supernuclear Apocalypse before we take this show in a single new direction. Your great-great-great-grandchildren will be futuresitting around drinking spacebeer on their hoverchairs and wondering whether Johnny Drama will ever escape from his more famous brother’s shadow or if E can really be serious in a relationship long after your buried body has desiccated and collapsed and returned to the dust from which you came.

Fuck you forever,