Videogum

Friday Fight: Is Everyone On YouTube A Pervert?

lindsay: is everyone on youtube that we think is a pervert actually a pervert?
gabe: yes
gabe: wait, who?
lindsay: it can’t be!
gabe: that old dude?
gabe: your boyfriend?
lindsay: well, remember the halcyon days of tuesday
lindsay: when we thought the creepy old man was a man with a sense of humor about his face and that he was a gift to us from the internet
lindsay: and then we found out he’s on the sexual offender list?
gabe: right
lindsay: and, apparently, he breastfeeds his dog with his stomach? (WARNING, this is terrible!!):


(Via Brad O’Farrell)

gabe: total pervert
gabe: but did you think that guy was a pervert before it turned out he was a pervert, though?
lindsay: no, not at all
gabe: right
lindsay: I thought he was an actor
lindsay: who was using what he knew was a creepy face
gabe: so i guess the real question is “is everyone a pervert?”
gabe: or
gabe: “is everyone who you don’t think is a pervert a pervert?”
gabe: yeah, that guy is ridiculous
gabe: his face is from central casting, whatever that means
lindsay: you know what that means
lindsay: you’re in the BIZ
gabe: i’m a man of the people, lindsay
gabe: i just love Miller Lime and The American Idols
lindsay: I don’t think there’s been a “central casting” anywhere since the ’50s
gabe: ooh la la, Professor Hollywood over here
lindsay: that is my nickname, yes.
lindsay: I prefer “Doc Hollywood”
gabe: the thing is
gabe: youtube is perfect for perverts
gabe: it’s the second best thing to cakefarts for perverts on the web.
gabe: do you think if you were a pervert that you would be an overt pervert, or a secret pervert?
gabe: like, would your youtube pervert videos
gabe: be about your perversion
lindsay: hmmm
gabe: or would tehy be like that guy
gabe: just weird 30 rock theme music videos
lindsay: that’s hard to answer, being FEMALE
gabe: ok, so definitely an overt pervert
lindsay: females are only perverts for money
gabe: i’m getting huge overt pervert vibes from you
lindsay: haha
gabe: major OBVs
lindsay: if you were a pervert on youtube, what kind of youtube pervert would you be?
gabe: i would be a furry

gabe: hahaha
gabe: saying “i would be a furry” is just another way of saying “i am a furry”
lindsay: I was going to say I’d be a furry
lindsay: maybe we are furries
lindsay: I’m the wolf
gabe: you would be one of those ladies
gabe: who kicks dudes in the balls
lindsay: wait
gabe: in sailor moon costumes
lindsay: that’s a thing?
gabe: yup
lindsay: totally!
gabe: i feel like the fact that youtube doesn’t allow pornography
gabe: makes it that much weirder
gabe: people have to circumvent the rules
lindsay: creative limitations!
gabe: yeah
lindsay: it turns them into pervert geniuses
lindsay: they can’t be lazy perverts
gabe: people should just be allowed to put porn up so that i don’t have to see what their runner-up to porn is
lindsay: no way
gabe: i don’t want to know what works for people “in a pinch”
lindsay: there would be so much porn to sift through to get to the weird stuff
lindsay: are the people who call themselves “furries” and the people who call themselves “plushies” two different factions who hate each other, like sci fi geeks vs fantasy geeks or star trekkies vs star..warries?
lindsay: or old star trek vs new?
gabe: what are plushies?
lindsay: furries.
lindsay: at least to us
lindsay: there’s no difference
gabe: furries is a really smart fetish
gabe: it’s so innocuous
gabe: and completely anonymous
gabe: those bridge lovers, on the other hand

gabe: i mean, i want everyone to be into whatever they’re into
gabe: NO JUDGMENT
gabe: but a little judgement, you know?
lindsay: No way, I judge.
lindsay: The lady who wants to do it with a roller coaster?
gabe: ouch
gabe: get it?
gabe: ouch!
gabe: WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER HOSPITAL
lindsay: hahahahahha
gabe: but it doesn’t hurt anyone
gabe: she’s not hurting anyone except her parents
lindsay: and she’s entertaining us
lindsay: and giving us things to talk about at cocktail parties and galas.
lindsay: yep, galas.
lindsay: and balls.
lindsay: (balls)
gabe: god, i just watched the pretty woman video again
gabe: and imagined someone being tied up in the room with him
gabe: while he did that
gabe: IT PUTS THE NIGHTMARES IN THE BASKET
lindsay: Maybe people’s lives are being saved by youtube. Maybe femskins saved a life.
lindsay: The perverts get their stuff out there instead of the real world
gabe: you’re thinking of godtube.