People Seeing Jesus In Stupid Shit Will Never Not Be Funny

Get in line, lady.

You know what I don’t get about this segment? I’m willing to accept that this woman saw Jesus in her snack, and I’m willing to believe that she thinks his snack face is full of a peace and sweetness that makes smiling irresistible. I’m willing to accept that she took her son’s inability to sell the Jesus toast on eBay as a sign from God that she was meant to keep it in a tupperware next to her bed where it could grow a Holy Mother mold. I’m willing to accept that there are people in the world who think that Jesus appears in snacks and that God stops people from bidding on eBay in order to ensure that Jesus breads don’t fall into the wrong hands. And that all of this is newsworthy. But what I cannot accept is the casual and knowing way in which everyone talks about “cheese toast” as if we all sit around every night enjoying a nice “cheese toast” because America was built on “cheese toast.” You know, those old Norman Rockwell paintings of a family enjoying a “cheese toast” around the Christmas tree. If you look up “cheese toast” in the dictionary it just says “everyone’s favorite snack that we all eat every day.” I’m not saying that I don’t understand what they mean when they say “cheese toast” I’m just saying that this news story is pretty cavalier in its assumptions concerning everyone’s familiarity with “cheese toast.”

I feel like I’ve really focused on the thing that’s important in this video.