Tommy And The Cool Mule For All The Oscars

Sorry, Hollywood. Better luck in 2010. All of this year’s Academy Awards are sewn up.

Ice T’s acceptance speech for Best Actor:

“Thank you! Oh man, this is a dream come true. I want to thank everyone who worked so hard…well not hard, but who worked on this movie. There were a lot of times on the set where I was like ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE?’ and ‘WHO IS THIS MOVIE EVEN FOR?’ but for some reason the director and the writer and the producers didn’t seem to have that problem. Like, at all. I don’t think they ever put any thought into this movie whatsoever. I’m pretty sure that first pitch meeting was just like ‘it’s going to be a combination of Goonies, Mr. Ed, and I Am Sam.’ Shit, I just did it for the money. Coco Marie’s new tits aren’t going to pay for themselves. In any case, thanks. I really, really could not have anticipated beating out The Wrestler 2: The Edge of Reason and You Make My Day to win the Academy Award for Best Actor for my work as the voice of a talking mule in this atrocious “family friendly” nightmare. In your face, Mickey Rourke. Ya burnt. I’m out.”

(Thanks for the tip, Ana.)