The Movement To Stop Ashton Kutcher From Thinking He Matters

As by now you probably know, Ashton Kutcher has challenged CNN to see who can be the first to get to 1,000,000 Twitter followers. Larry King is mad into it. His diaper budget has doubled in the past week, he’s so excited. (Sorry, Larry King. That was a really mean joke at your expense. I am sure that your diaper budget is the same as it was last week.) Obviously, this is ridiculous. You can’t really blame Ashton, he’s just doing what he does: being the biggest dumb dumb around. But really, CNN? You are treating this challenge as an actual thing that deserves the attention and enthusiasm of a news organization? Even James Earle Jones is like “maybe being aligned with these guys was a mistake.”

But if a serious, “trusted” news organization falls all over themselves to play Kutcher’s reindeer games (perfect reference, look it up) then the only people left to stop it are us.

4Chan kind of has the right idea (shudder). They’ve figured out a system for quickly creating fake Twitter accounts, which is why an epidemiologist in Australia now has more than 130,00 followers. But to actually stand toe-to-toe with the man who invented trucker hats and say “Not today, Kelso, not on our Internet,” we need to find someone worthy of communal Twinterest.

So, guys, who would we push to 1,000,000 followers? @iamdiddy? @sashagrey? @timheidecker?

Obviously, I recognize that the Videogum audience is not large enough to change the world on its own, but powerful grass-roots movements have started with less. Did you know that the famous Jaguar it Forward movement that we’re all participating in was actually started by a fictional 11-year-old robot in a custom-fitted sleeveless t-shirt? Let’s go, ya’ll!!