Videogum

The Honorable Judge Mathis Is Getting His Honorable Own Videogame

Kotaku reports that TV’s Judge Mathis is getting his own videogame. Sure. That makes sense. Who hasn’t dreamed of what it would be like to deliver non-binding verdicts from a plywood bench at the push of a series of button combinations? This is basically why videogame chairs were invented. Except that this game is not going to be about jurisprudence and non-criminal property damage. This game is going to be about shooting guns. Because of course it is.

As the judge tells it, the player inhabits the role of La-Ron Washington, a two-time con who gets out of the pen early thanks to overcrowding. La-Ron “must stay out of trouble, perform community services and avoid negative street influences and temptations. One more strike and La-Ron gets a life sentence from Judge Mathis.”

I kind of love that the very real problem of prison overcrowding has become a background feature in the storyline to a low-budget videogame no one is going to play. Up-down-left-right-a-b-a-b-:(. Obviously, though, the best part about the entire project is the tough message it is going to teach kids about getting raped:

“When you go to prison, you gain credibility when you come back on the streets. On the other hand, when you go to prison you can also be raped,” Mathis tells Yahoo! Games. “So take your chances. We may see young people who make the wrong choice and go to prison and are assaulted repeatedly (in this game).”

CORRECTION: this is why videogame chairs were invented.

You know how I know you got raped?

It’s nice to see that Judge Mathis is consistent in making sure that everything he does in life is ridiculous and kind of bad for people.

Judge Judy is so pissed right now. In Judge Judy’s videogame she rapes you.

SUSTAINED.