A couple of weeks ago, I downgraded Lindsay Lohan from a “celebrity” to a “lady of interest.” Since then, things have only managed to get worse for her. She has purportedly “broken up” with Samantha Ronson, or whatever that guy’s name is, and there are rumors of a restraining order against her, because that’s how the law works, there’s absolutely no way to know one way or the other what the deal is. If things keep going at this rate, she won’t even be a “lady of interest” soon. She’ll just be a “pop culture reference of decreasing relevance that eventually shows your age at a cocktail party with guests who are younger than you and don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The whole thing has a certain Britney Spears head-shaving quality to it. We’re not at that point of complete mental breakdown yet, but things have definitely passed the point of gentle voyeuristic schadenfreude into full-on “uh oh maybe someone needs to help this little girl” mode. When the fun is sucked out of piling on a celebrity’s misfortune, you know the situation is unfortunate. That is so much fun to suck out of something (is what she said). This is particularly true with Lindsay Lohan, who’s actually been a punching bag for basically ever. Remember when she used to date Wilmer Valderrama? I’m just saying, Lindsay Lohan been had tough times. Her dad used to draw political cartoons FROM JAIL and send them to the newspaper. You know? Her mom looks like a Skexie from the Dark Crystal. She peaked with Mean Girls, and Mean Girls was good, but Mean Girls wasn’t that good (it’s called the truth and it’s time to deal with it).
And yet, through all of this, I have never felt as sorry for her as I did in watching this video:
It is her dad, Michael Lohan, being disqualified from a low budget “celebrity boxing” event (nice try) for wrestling a radio DJ to the ground (via ONTD).
It’s always sad to see dads being bad at their job, but to see them baldly capitalizing on their daughter’s declining fame in a desperate grab to get whatever attention comes with performing The Wrestler-caliber athletics in some depressing Knights of Columbus hall somewhere is too :( for wordz. Somehow, this is even sadder to me than this photo of Michael Lohan in a strip club’s basement making sure there’s enough jalapeno poppers in the walk-in freezer for next week.
Unacceptable, Michael Lohan. Go BACK to jail.
Poor fire crotch. Poor, poor fire crotch.