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Please Let There Be A Full Blown Roger Ebert Vs. Bill O’Reilly Feud

Here are a couple of obvious truths:

Roger Ebert Is The Best
Bill O’Reilly Is The Worst

So, admittedly, a feud between them would simply retrench these FACTS. No one is walking away from the Ebert-O’Reilly feud feeling any differently about either of these men (or this one man, and this slug-headed leather bag of rotten blood). Here’s another truth, though:

That Doesn’t Mean It Wouldn’t Still Be So Great

After having his nationally syndicated column dropped by Ebert’s Chicago newspaper, the Sun-Times, O’Reilly placed the entire publication in his Hall of Shame, alongside such other horrible things as Reason, and Strong Hair Lines. Obviously, Bill O’Reilly is a gas clown, and his Hall of Shame is a Hall of Jokes, but ROGER EBERT DON’T PLAY NO GAMES. And earlier this week he retaliated with an open letter to O’Reilly, which is thoughtful, insightful, and full of straight up BOMBS. Like this one:

I understand you believe one of the Sun-Times misdemeanors was dropping your syndicated column. My editor informs me that “very few” readers complained about the disappearance of your column, adding, “many more complained about Nancy.” I know I did. That was the famous Ernie Bushmiller comic strip in which Sluggo explained that “wow” was “mom” spelled upside-down.

OH SNAP! A Sluggo burn? A SLUGGO BURN?! I just wrote a letter of my own:

Dear Bill O’Reilly,

YA BURNT.

Seriously, though, you should go read Roger Ebert’s whole letter. There’s a reason that when he was born his parents seriously considered naming him Roger Thebestbert. (Perfect.)

My only hope now is that Bill O’Reilly responds to this and it turns into a whole thing. Fingers crozzed. Two men enter…well, one man enters, and one lizard-skulled demon summoned by a racist sorcerer enters…one man leaves.