The Economic Crisis Forces Nicolas Cage To Act Like An Asshole

The economy, you guys. Woof. So bad! A very bad economy. It’s affecting everybody. People are losing their jobs and their homes. It’s even affecting celebrities. Why, just this week, the economic collapse forced Nicolas Cage to say things that make him sound like a complete asshole. From the AP:

BERLIN (AFP) – The global recession has forced Hollywood star Nicolas Cage to tighten his purse strings and sell his sumptuous castle in Bavaria in southern Germany, the actor told a magazine Tuesday.

“Due to the difficult economic situation, unfortunately, I was no longer able to keep it,” the 45-year-old told German celebrity weekly Bunte.

Cage bought the 28-room Neidstein castle with 165 hectares (410 acres) of forest and gardens two years ago, reportedly paying 2.6 million dollars for the property, which dates back to the 16th century.

But the “Leaving Las Vegas” and “Wild at Heart” star has not been seen since flying off in a helicopter in 2008, local media reported.

Oh no! You were forced to sell a CASTLE? In Germany? A castle that you haven’t been to in A YEAR? And that you travel to and from BY HELICOPTER? I’m surprised Nicolas Cage hasn’t gotten so despondent over his bad luck that he’s jumped off the roof of one of his other castles. Look, I’m not saying that Nicolas Cage would be any less of an asshole if he KEPT the castle. I’m just saying, maybe in a time of global panic in which people’s lives are actually being destroyed and the future is increasingly bleak, it seems prudent that those of us who may or may not own GERMAN CASTLES in addition to our other MANSIONS keep the sales of those castles to our fucking selves.