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You Can Make It Up: Johnny 5 Defends The Human Race Against The Decepticons

Johnny 5 popped a wheelie as he hummed along to his favorite C + C Music Factory song. He could still taste Stephanie’s lip gloss on his face receptors. Today was going to be a 1001010101 day, he could just replicate the feel of it. He wheeled out of the laboratory and bumped up against a giant metal leg.

“Ooooooh,” he said, “you got a real set of gams on you,” he said, looking up.

A blackened, steel face with deep set 10 megapixel red laser eyes stared down at him, baring its titanium fangs.

“You are the only thing that stands between the Decepticons and the destruction of the planet Earth,” the creature said with a horrific digital grating, like two electronic saws cutting into each other.

“Cool dude,” Johnny 5 said, spinning in place. “Cowabunga.”

And then the Decepticon unleashed a devastating attack. He fucking pummeled that piece of junk into the ground, and burned it, and shot it full of holes, and flattened it out smooth like a nickel, and then he straight dropped an atomic bomb on the spot where Johnny 5’s broken body lay, and the Earth was destroyed.

The End.