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Real World: Brooklyn: Season Finale

What a incredible journey bunch of self-discovery dirty dishes this has been. What started as one of the most promising (read: ugliest) casts in the show’s recent history took only a few weeks to burn through everything that was superficially interesting about each of them (transgender, Iraq, purple vest, grouchy gay) and get to the meaty reality of these eight children’s existence, which is that they are incredibly dull, and messy, and kind of hate each other. And just because they might seem slightly sharper and more in-touch with genuine human experiences than the past few years of Abercrombie and Fitch drunk-fuck-automatons, they are not. They are just as banal and insufferable and painfully self-involved as the rest of them. The only difference is that this time there were eight of them.

And so, everyone prepares to leave the house.

Apparently, Chet already packed all his shirts.

The episode, much like the rest of the season, is literally comprised of 10 minutes of roommates interacting with the outside world (though not, surprisingly, at Angels and Kings), before it gets right into the pranks. SERIOUSLY? Just wanted to squeeze in one more hour of boring people boringly pranking each other with boring pranks before shipping them off to Ultimate Road Rules Challenge: Guam, or whatever? Ugh. So the girls decide that after weeks of being pranked by the boys, they are going to prank them back. They put soap in Ryan’s milk, and crumble up dog treats in Ryan’s cereal, and put dish soap on Scott’s chicken, and pour milk into Chet’s packed boxes of homemade club clothes. They basically ruin everyone’s stuff . Which is fine. What they should do is ask the boys to come in from the hottub, lock the doors, and set the building on fire. You know, like a prank.

But when the boys immediately figure out that they have been pranked, because it takes approximately half of one sip of milk to realize that it has soap in it, they decide that JD did it .

It doesn’t help JD’s case that he constantly has the gassiest form of gas face ever.

The problem is, though, JD didn’t do any of the pranks. Which he says. But the girls, deciding that they don’t like the fact that JD is always playing both sides, decide to stick together and pretend that JD did, in fact, do the pranks. So then it’s just seven people yelling at JD for something that he didn’t do, and for as much as I may not really like JD, and for as many things as he has done this season that are rude and distasteful (smashing coffee table, outing Katelynn), this entire thing is just fucking gross.

Perhaps the ugliest behavior of any Real World. This is way worse than that time David pulled the blanket off Tammy as a joke and got kicked out of the LA house. Fuck these people, and especially fuck Katelynn. I mean, I suppose part of showing the unique humanity of a transgendered person as an individual means that they also get to be irredeamable assholes, but you’d think that someone who’s felt that their whole life was lived on the outskirts of an intolerant society would put a little more thought into whether or not she demonized someone among his friends for something he didn’t do.

And then they came for JD, and I said nothing, ETC.

I’m not saying that Devyn, Katelynn, Baya and Sarah are Nazis. I’m saying that Devyn, Katelynn, Baya and Sarah share behavioral traits in common with Nazi sympathizers. And while you’d think that would be the end of it, that it would just be a disgusting moment of impotent rage on the part of the girls, lashing out for whatever reason we don’t even get to see because at the end of the day it’s not like this isn’t carefully edited into a comprehensive story-arc that might not even exist, when the boys find out that the girls have been throwing JD under the bus and get mad about it, the girls then suggest that the reason Ryan is angry is because he has to go back to Iraq? UGH. Obviously, Ryan had some emotional issues to work out even before he was called back to active duty, but the suggestion that there’s no legitimate anger to be felt and expressed in reaction to finding out that four people just lied to everyone’s face in order to escape a non-existent punishment at the expense of another person’s being completely ostracized by the entire house, but that any residual anger is probably just being sad about having to GO TO FUCKING WAR, is insane, and adds further insult, and those girls are fucking gross. I’m signing them all up for Tool Academy 2: Mrs. Awesome.

The only way to bring the house together before they go their separate ways, is for Ryan to play “The Tampon Song.” I like Ryan. By the end of the season, he is easily my favorite person in the house. But I hate “The Tampon Song,” and its recurring use as some kind of Real World leitmotif is dumb. Although not any dumber than the fact that when the episode ended and they had a one hour reunion special, they made Ryan dress up in his army fatigues because of how he is back in the army.

Smart. Come home safe, Ryan. Cut it out, MTV.

I am glad this show is over. I studied being done with this show at the collegiate level.