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Tom Sizemore Is Being Investigated For The :(-est Crime

Man, Tom Sizemore, you guys. Never rests. If that guy had put half the time and effort into his acting career that he has put into going to jail and being an over-all creep, he would have a totally decent acting career. Although, to be fair, he has an INCREDIBLE going to jail and being an over-all creep career, so, you know, hats off. Shoot the moon. Get all the dreams. And now he’s taking that career to a whole new level, as TMZ is reporting that Sizemore is being investigated for what has to be the saddest crime in all of Sad Town, Population: sadness.

The LAPD confirms Tom — who spent time behind bars in ’07 for a probation violation — is being investigated for grand theft after he allegedly stole multiple cell phones, a pen and a highlighter from a Verizon Wireless store in L.A. last week.

Perfect. Tom Sizemore stole a bunch of cell phones and then stole A PEN AND A HIGHLIGHTER. Master criminal. Johny Depp’s new movie Public Enemies is actually about the federal government’s attempts to arrest notorious highlighter thief Tom Sizemore. Here’s a photo of Sizemore preparing for the heist:

He doesn’t lock the doors to his house because he knows there’s no such thing as security.