Primetime: What Would You Do?: The Stupid Man’s Dateline: To Catch A Predator

I’ve actually been keeping up with the unbelievably pointless Primetime series “What Would You Do?”, but last night my DVR, in an act of inanimate object tough love, “forgot” to tape it. Lucky for me, The Hater caught the latest episode, which, as usual, used a completely fake setup and hidden camera in order to goad bystanders into taking action and ask viewers to fake-search our fake-hearts about what we would do in the fake situation. Except this time they’ve gone to far. Last night’s question was: “What would we do if we were in a restaurant and overheard a group of fundamentalist Latter Day Saints attempting to convince a child to become a grown man’s third wife?” No, seriously: that’s the premise. With costumes!

Even though previous episodes have featured outlandish scenarios (a man hitting a woman in a public park in broad daylight three feet away from passersby, a deli worker screaming racial slurs at customers), they at least fell within the category of “Things regular people have witnessed before, in the world.” But this scenario, in which a secretive, segregationist cult conducts business for which they’ve been recently mass hauled off to jail in the middle of a restaurant just would. not. happen. Somebody needs to tell John Quinones that Big Love is just a big fake TV show.

Also, if you do tune in in the future to this infuriatingly ridiculous show, keep watch for the best part of almost every episode: when John Quinones approaches a bystander and reveals who he is, and nobody ever recognizes him, ever, and he’s always surprised by it. Chris Hansen-sized ego on that guy.