They’ll Let Any Asshole Start A Blog These Days: Luann DeLesseps

It was only a matter of time before Real Housewife of New York Luann DeLesseps (am I even spelling that right? I hope not, I hope I’m mangling it) got her own blog. I mean, she’s basically the Queen of America, and what better way for divine-right royalty to shower her benedictive wisdom on the unwashed hoi polloi than BLOGSPOT. (She can afford a house in the Hamptons and champagne for her dog, but she cannot afford GoDaddy’s liquid gold price points.)

The blog appears to be a promotional tool for her upcoming book Class with the Countess (as seen endlessly discussed over deviled eggs on TV), and it is incredible. Each post includes an etiquette tip, and a fascinating look at what life is really like for a living piece of garbage. (It’s going to be awesome in a year from now–when no one even remembers what the word “economy” means–when a gang of homeless people eats her. The Count, of course, will be in China [working on being able to grow a beard. Any day now! Puberty is weird].)

Obviously, I have a couple of favorite posts:

Today’s, for example:

EVEN the children of a Countess need to learn table manners. What? Everyone needs to learn table manners, insofar as table manners are a human invention. What does this waking nightmare of America’s decline think the rest of us think when we look at her? Like we’re all just literally sitting in our own feces throwing empty cans of beans at the television going “I WISH I HAD BEEN BORNED WITH SUCH WONDERFUL ELEGANCE WHAT WHICH MAKE ME BE CLASSY!”

She’s delicious!

But this is easily my favorite blog entry.

Yeah. That’s why we like the Obamas.