That’s Your Boyfriend: Dude Who Attempts To Break Boards With His Dumb Head

It’s the journey, not the destination, he keeps telling you. You have to learn to enjoy the quiet moments in between, and recognize that plateaus are what we travel on to reach the peaks. He bought you a matching gold chain and said “dating you is great because now we can save money by sharing hair product.” The two of you met a Sal’s Famous when he spilled a Diet Sprite in your lap and said “I’ll let you buy me a new one.” At night, he rubs vaseline into his forehead and he wears a silk karate gi to bed. You’ll never forget the first time he told you he loved you. It was in the backyard. He had his shirt off. You smiled. And then he said “you can’t move all, bro, you can’t fuckin’ move at all.” (Via Afrojacks.)