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Real World: Brooklyn: What Makes Chetty Run?

This week’s episode is all about the housemates following their dreams, which is fine, except that they all have bad dreams. Someone needs to take them to Dream School and show them how it’s done. Granted, it’s still better than the past few seasons where the ambitions of the housemates seemed to level off somewhere around “at least get on Road Rules but maybe better!” But, so, Devyn is a princess in her own mind who thinks that modeling moth ball gowns to a bunch of old women in a distributor’s warehouse is basically the same thing as sitting next to Anna Wintour at the Marc Jacobs tent during Olympus Fashion Week. Apparently she is not educated in what is and what is not high fashion at the collegiate level. At one point she says that she’s gotten where she is today (where is she today, again?) with the generous help of others, and so she likes to carry on that spirit by offering Sarah, her Real World castmate, a weekend job modeling. Totally giving back to the community, Devyn. The question is not if but when the President of the United States makes your birthday a holiday.

Meanwhile, Baya still wants to be a dancer, but not really. Ryan calls her out on turning down the spot she was offered in the Hip Hop Dance Conservatory, saying that it’s weak to just give up on something because it seems hard, and he’s right. He points out that she also stopped going to college for the same reason. Ouch. This show should be called I Kind Of Hate To Admit It, But Ryan Is Usually Right: Brooklyn. Baya is a spoiled crybaby with an inflated sense of entitlement and an inability to dedicate herself to anything for the fear that she’s not good enough, which she probably isn’t. On the other hand, this will give her plenty of time to keep DJ’ing at Angels and Kings (which apparently she is still doing?)

But the star of the episode, as usual, is Chester.

As we know from previously on the Real World, Chet’s goal in life is to become a television presenter. You know what, fair enough. Chet may not know what he wants sexually, but he knows what he wants professionally, and that’s better than a lot of people. Just because I might think that wanting to be a television presenter at all costs is the most hackneyed expression of narcissistic personality disorder dependent on nothing but one’s desire for attention with absolutely no basis in talent or creativity, that doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t get what they want if they try hard enough. Besides, Chet didn’t invent VJs. But what’s most amazing about Chet is that his goal is to “get on MTV, and this is [his] chance.” Um, dude, I don’t know how to tell you this, but, dude, YOU ARE ON MTV. Mission Accomplished. Here, put on your flight suit.

So Chet lands an audition to be on MTV somehow. Magically. It’s basically magic. And he spends the next few days worrying about, of course, what he’s going to wear. He could wear a bowtie, which he thinks would really make him stand out (the bowtie, not the CAMERA CREW FOLLOWING HIM AROUND), but he’s also debating the vest over t-shirt with a purple kafia. The problem is that JD took a headshot of him wearing the vest, so MTV will know that he can do that look.

That’s what he says. They’ll know he has that vest over t-shirt look in his arsenal. Which is the first rule of auditioning. One way or another, make sure the casting people know that you have a vest over t-shirt look. How do you think Jesse Camp beat out Dave Holmes?

It’s all about the vestamins, baby.

Chet goes back to the MTV studios for a second time, the first time of course being when a security guard told him that he couldn’t just walk into the building and get a job on TRL because TRL had been canceled months ago. He told his mom that he was “taking poles” about what to wear, and she told him to go with the bowtie. Unfortunately, she didn’t give him any advice on how not to create one of the most uncomfortable moments on recent television.

Yoikes.

The problem, naturally, was chapstick. Chet excuses himself and puts on some chapstick and all of a sudden it’s just like BOOM!

We’re going to need to build a new addition on the Museum of Radio and Television to store all of the great television Chet is about to create by being on television. The whole episode, actually, is about reinforcing the idea that Chet is good at what he does, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Oh, I thought he was NOT very good, really. My mistake. Thank you deus ex subtitles.

He interviews that whether it was his bowtie or his charsima, they’re going to remember Chet. Well, I agree they are going to remember you, Chet. Somehow I feel like “remember when Chet from the Real World auditioned” is more likely, but it could be “remember the normal guy in the bow tie?” Sure.

There’s also the other thing about Chet being deeply fascinated with Katelynn’s post-op dilation stints, which starts with genuine curiosity but then quickly dissolves into pre-pubescent teasing about how he wants to use them in some kind of prank. “We’ll need rubber gloves, obviously.” His obsession and constant needling about where she keeps them is borderline hate-crimey, and so:

Next Week: Katelynn leaves? Just like the rest of us. One leg at a time.