Vanilla Ice Apologizes, For Everything

No he doesn’t.

Obviously, this is fake. Let’s just all be real with each other. Before it’s even over you can smell the viral marketing all over this (smells like Diet Red Bull and middle age). But so what! Either you do think that Vanilla Ice should apologize for what he’s done to popular culture, in which case take this tongue-in-cheek, paid-for apology and go back to your mom’s basement to reorganize your record collection by “emotional flavor,” Rob Gordon Jr.

OR, recognize that Vanilla Ice’s life has by all accounts been one of abject misery. Following his one good year (1990-1991, Never Forget), he’s been struggling with drug addiction, suicidal ideation, and the law. His “career” is simply perpetuating his role as a national failure and a source of carelessly derisive public mockery. In that case, let him have his moment. Don’t bother pointing out that the website promoted at the end of the video is paid for by Virgin Mobile AUSTRALIA, so this isn’t even main-run viral marketing but was created on a tertiary market budget (no OFFENSE, Australia. That’s not a zing, THIS is a zing). Just say “thank you, Mr. Ice,” and let’s move on, on, baby. (Thanks for the tip, Ignatius.)