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Friday Night Lights: Tyra Collette Graduate!

Tim Riggins gets a letter of interest from Oklahoma. Billy and Lyla seem more excited about this news than he does. You know what I think it is? I think he’s scared to fail! Tammy gets interviewed by the local paper about her intent to divert the boosters’ jumbotron money towards books and pencils. Something tells me that the article that ends up getting published isn’t going to be a flattering portrait of a noble crusader! Saracen’s grandma has stopped taking her anti-dementia pills because she doesn’t like how they dry out her skin. FAIR ENOUGH. Matt asks the doctor to just prescribe the pills to him so that he can administer them secretly. The doctor says that he’s not legally able to do that, and that Matt should become her legal guardian. Excuse me, doctor, but MATT HAS IT HARD ENOUGH. How come no one in this town ever recognizes what Matt’s going through? Oh, and Tyra wants to be student body president. Tyra Collette Graduate!

The article that appears in the Dillon Daily Times barely even mentions Tammy’s uphill struggle to provide the students of Dillon High with the proper materials they need to get a good education. Instead it’s all just rumors and gossip about tensions in the Taylor family, as if CT doesn’t back his wife 100% because they are a TEAM! We’re gonna need a bigger bottle of wine. The next day, the mayor comes to her office and tells her to just admit that she made a mistake and apologize for her mistake. Um, NICE TRY, mayor. Who do you think you’re talking to? Well I will tell you who you are talking to, you are talking to Tammy Taylor. And she will stand right up to you and tell you that she has not made a mistake and that is surprised that both you, the mayor, and the boosters have not gotten on the bandwagon of making Dillon High the best school it can be. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t mess with Mrs. Taylor.

Saracen decides to become a legally emancipated minor in order to become the legal guardian of his grandmother, because if there is one thing that we know about Matt Saracen it is that he will do what needs to be done. He does not shy away from responsibility, even when that responsibility is an UNBEARABLE BURDEN. But in order to become emancipated he needs a parent’s signature, and his dad is in Iraq. Uh oh. He borrows Landry’s car in the middle of the night and he drives to a small, house in the middle of nowhere. Where is he going? What is this house in the middle of nowhere? A blonde woman answers the door. “It’s me Matt, your son.” OH ZAP. Matt has a mom! He doesn’t want anything from her, he just wants her to sign the papers. He is guarded and cold, but who wouldn’t be?! Saracen has been burned by adults too many times. His parents just don’t understand. Literally.

This episode does raise a couple of questions:

1. Where is Santiago?
2. Does Tim Riggins really use the word “schmooze”?
3. If Tyra is a senior that means she was a sophomore in the first season?

The math this season is a little bit fuzzy, and it’s best not to worry your pretty little mind over it. Tyra is getting serious about applying to colleges, which means she’s going to need to get serious about her extra-curriculars. So she runs a last minute campaign for student body president. At first she tries to win it Tracy Flick style, but that doesn’t work, so she switches to a political platform that emphasizes her strengths: access to strippers, ample breasts, and the promise that everyone will get laid at prom. AND ALL THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS WILL DISPENSE MOUNTAIN DEW! And NO MORE HOMEWORK! Mrs. Taylor is very disappointed in Tyra, from whom she expects better (for some reason). The students aren’t disappointed, though. They love their new student body president. Mrs. Taylor can be disappointed all she wants while Tyra’s busy fucking her way through the Texas A&M freshman class. BING BONG. But no, jokes aside, obviously Tyra has learned a lesson here.

Meanwhile, Coach will not give up on Smash. He is relentless in his calls to Texas college athletic departments. This is The Smash, baby! Give him a tryout! This boy is ready to become a man. Smash is having a little trouble with the training because he’s scared of getting injured again, and he is worried that he’s not the player he used to be. Well, CT has a solution for that, which is to bring the whole team to the field at night for a Classic Inspiration FNL Moment:

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts! Coach gets a call from Texas A&M, Smash has a walk-on tryout in two weeks. I told you guys he would come through. I told you! COACH TAYLOR ALWAYS DRUMLINES.

Lyla invites Tim to a dinner with Buddy Garrity and JD McCoy’s dad, who went to Oklahoma and might be able to help Riggins out with the college application process. Obviously, Tim doesn’t want to go. If it was all up to him, Lyla points out, while they are shopping for blazers at TJ Maxx, his life would be nothing but football, beer, and sex. “What’s the problem with that?” Tim asks, because he’s NOT AS DUMB AS SOMETIMES PEOPLE THINK. As they’re walking up to the dinner, there’s some classic FNL comedy when Tim Riggins drops some details about JD McCoy’s Oklahoma history.

Lyla: Wait, how did you know that?
Tim: Google, why?
Lyla: I just didn’t know you googled.
Tim: I’m not retarded. I google.

Friday Night Lights? More like Funniest Night Laughs!

But things don’t go so great at dinner. First Buddy Garrity gets inside Riggins’s head and makes him too nervous, and then the whole thing is very The Wire season 4 when Bunny Colvin takes Namond and friends to the steak restaurant. He orders rare squab! No one orders rare squab! Oh jeez! Lyla and him have a big fight about his future because no one who orders rare squab is focused on going places. But later they make up, even though Tim has his pants off with Tyra while Billy fucks Mindy in the other room, long story.

Oh, and Matt and Julie are about to get back together. Good for them. They’re like Dan and Serena if Dan and Serena were cute and didn’t make you want to put poison in their brunch. Matt and Julie probably don’t even know what brunch is! Texas forever!