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Get Ready To Hate The People Who Like Black Dynamite

Well, someone has finally decided to recapture the power and the glory of mid-’70s blaxploitation cinema, and it wasn’t even the Wayans Brothers! Black Dynamite was sold at Sundance this week to Sony for two million dollars. That ought to buy a lot of 40s and chicken wings! (What? What’s the matter?) Trailer, you guys:

The thing is, this movie looks good. It looks like it’s going to be funny and EXCITING. And the pitch-perfect homage to an outdated genre is simultaneously kitsch-pleasure and POLITICAL STATEMENT. And bonus: it wasn’t directed by Quentin Tarantino.

But I already hate the people who are going to love this movie SO MUCH. Take every involuntary shudder you ever shuddered when some jackass shouted “I’m Rick James, bitch!” at a party, put it into the physical reaction you will inevitably experience when some dumbass happily says “I will shake this poisonous shit out of your smacked up body if I have to” at the bar, and we’re talking HOSPITALIZATION levels of UNBEARABLE DISGUST/SADNESS.

I’m just going to go ahead and call us all ambulances right now. How many do we need? All of them? Perfect.