Videogum

This Clown Will Make You Not Want To Have Sex

No, literally, he’s a clown, and his job is literally to teach abstinence. He’s also the worst public speaker of all time. The abstinence part starts at 2:50, but I kind of like the Nicholas Fehn-esque neverending lead-up. This guy is the worst, for real. He’s the Michael Scott of sex educators:

I like how after he proves that sex is the same thing as juggling machetes over a person’s body (You know, no amount of “practice” can make it safe. In the biz that’s called a “shitty analogy that doesn’t work.”), he says, at 5:32, “A consequence can happen like it happened for my brothers…” and then never explains what that means. According to YouTube and other websites, that clown (or “guy who can wear ugly clothes and juggle at the same time”) was part of Bush’s 1.5 billion dollar abstinence-only education thingy. So DON’T LET THE MOB OF SAFE-SEX-KNOWLEDGE-HAVING SEVENTH GRADERS HIT YOU WITH CONDOMS ON THE WAY OUT, Terrible Fake Clown!