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Spread: Ashton Kutcher And Anne Heche Have A Phoning-It-In Contest

Here’s a trailer for a movie called Spread that’s going to the Sundance Film Festival instead of probably hundreds of other better movies. Ashton Kutcher is some sort of Jay-Gatsby-but-boring character who kisses a lot of women and mumbles all of his lines as if he’s on Oxycontin. It’s so bad it’s worth hate-watching. I’m going to be generous here and say Ashton Kutcher is actually a much better actor than this:

So Anne Heche kills them or something? I mean, presumably something happens other than Ashton Kutcher just having a lot of somnambulatory fun. I hate this movie so much already that I hereby place a curse upon it: may it leave the Sundance film festival without a distribution deal. That’s right: I went there. I hope Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche had a lot of pretend sex for nothing. (Also, what’s a “promo trailer”? It’s two minutes long. It’s a trailer. It just sucks. At least own it.)