Even Fake Rap About Gossip Girl Must Be Stopped

As yesterday’s Super Broker Shuffle proved, the fake rap situation is not quite as cut-and-dry as, for example, the gay marriage question. This has a lot to do with fake rap being stupid and unimportant, whether you like it or not, as opposed to a cultural hot-button equal rights issue with deep moral implications for the futures of both the oppressed and the oppressors (in different ways). That’s, like, probably the main reason they’re not equally obvious. So, fine, we have proven that every once in awhile there will be a fake rap that manages to avoid an outraged call for the entire genre’s elimination. The Super Broker Shuffle is acceptable because it’s basically a parody of a parody of a rap, so the generation loss ends up buffering it against criticism.

Another example that I’m asked about regularly is the work of Lonely Island, which I find to be another rare pass in the 99-percent-fail-rate test of acceptability, the reason being that the music is actually pretty good. Iran So Far, for example, almost sounds like an actual song that I might listen to, and the lyrics are smartly funny, rather than, say, instructional, or not-half-as-funny-as-they-think-they-are-funny. Having access to professional singers, and also the guy from Maroon 5, doesn’t hurt. In any case, you can see how it really does boil down to a case-by-case basis, where most cases get sent directly to jail.

Case in point is today’s fake rap (via Intelligencer) from a couple of white guys who call themselves Southern Mothers featuring Matt Pearson who is not white about Gossip Girl titled “Dear Gossip Girl”:

The video is well shot, the lyrics are well written, and there’s even a black guy involved, which is rare for a fake rap (and also far too common, paradox!), and yet somehow this only further proves that we need to FIGHT HARDER. Perhaps it’s the low budget “My Computer Came with Garage Band Pre-Installed” quality of the beat, or the fact that even as someone who enjoys Gossip Girl and spends far too much of his time every week thinking and talking about it, even I don’t want this.